SSG Speaks: SSG Rhys

In the depths of winter two harvest seasons past, a man know as Dalcaeus arrived at the gates of Camelot, seeking Ka-tet. The eagle, globe, and anchor on his coat of arms signified that he had already been knighted by powers far greater than ours. He nonetheless humbly submitted himself to the Trials to enlist in our ranks. He joined us at the Round Table and became our comrade in virtual battle and our brother in our hearts.


This space is reserved for the friends we call Knights to share more about themselves, in their own words.
To that end, here are the words of our brother.


On seeking Knighthood:
I stand before you ready to face your trials. My sword is ready to strike at your enemies as my own, my shield steady as I stand shoulder to shoulder with you. My valor is for the purpose of Camelot, my strength is for the justice of knighthood, my life is for a code of honor. Whether my life or death serves you more, you shall have it. I pray thee, allow my submission into your ranks. I am ready, fear finds no purchase within me.

On manhood:
Real men aren’t afraid to cry, but you cried at a Matt Damon movie soooo….

On faith in humanity:
It’s good to know that there are still people out there with enough of a sense of humor to engage in a pillow fight with a stranger.

On his humor:
My jokes come like a thief in the night. Or at least like an old college roommate drunk and needing a place to crash because his wife doesn’t like him anymore and he isn’t sure the kids are his and he lost his job…

On Faithkeeper’s virility:
TTL Faithkeeper is the father of my love child. There… I said it. This story starts as many stories of this nature often do, with a bottle of gin and an unnecessarily promiscuous game of canasta. We danced the sinful dance of love, whispered quiet whispers, and made stains on the berber. The next morning awoke cold and alone. I simply chalked it up to bad judgement and moved on. I never forgot that night, and as fate would have it I never will. You see once the stork dropped off my little package I knew what that one night of passion wrought. I tried to show him the child. He coldly dismissed me saying “Please, I know I ain’t the only one you play canasta with.” Since then he hasn’t returned my calls. Moral of the story MidWorld? Keep your pants on when playing cards with Gunslingers…

On accepting Knighthood:
I cleaned the stables. All I did was redirect a river to clean it out, no big deal. I only know of one guy that did that once before, but he was a D-Bag

On America:
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”

This is and should be our guiding star in America. Belief is unimportant, your faith or lack thereof is unimportant, the culture that defines you as an individual is unimportant. The only thing that all of us need to hold true is that we are all EQUAL. However you believe we were created you need to understand that we were created the same. And by that virtue we are all free.

Remember the men and women that fought in wars, protested, were lynched, and murdered by our own people in the name of freedom. Not all battles are fought by soldiers, not all wars are won on battlefields. Remember the principles of of equality and justice that we as a country were founded on. Happy Independence Day.

On Chuck Norris:
Chuck Norris has a stunt double…for crying scenes.

On zombie apocalypse preparedness:
My Zombie plan is to stand behind Chuck Norris. That is all.

On public office:
I’d never run for office. I have a condition that precludes me from being a politician, it’s called integrity.

On his mad skillz:
My A-Game is in a perpetual state of warm up…

On storm preparedness:
Strong tornado producing storm about to hit my home town. If I don’t make it there is something I need all of you to know before I die:  hippies piss me off…

On the capriciousness of GLaDOS:  
Unlike some malicious AI’s MY cake is never a lie.

On teammates:
We’ll get you a perfection somehow bro, even if it means I have be Satan’s love toy… I’ll do that for you man.

On wives starting Skyrim:
Why don’t you get her addicted to something safer…like heroin.

On sports victories:
I didn’t hear anything about any riots. How can you possibly express your joy without the wanton and irrational destruction of private and public property?

On the Good Game Network:
After watching an interview with a member of the Good Game Network I noticed the clouds began lifting. The idea seemed preposterous. Gamers that valued other gamers, and their right to having fun? And what was this phrase, “Good Game?” Has sportsmanship somehow found it’s place on Xbox Live? Then a good thing got even better. Sword and Shield Gaming welcomed me with open arms, like an old friend long removed from an old dive bar.

I feel as though I have been here all along, and that I was foolish for thinking otherwise. It’s more than just gamers banding together for mutual advantage. It’s more than a need for skilled gamers to win games. This is a place of friendship and honor. Here we do not have to stand alone and be bested by foul mouthed teenagers, safe in the anonymity of the internet. Here we stand shoulder to shoulder with shields meant to keep our comrades from harm.

We stand together for more than just victory, but for the prospect of better gamers. Here we strive to set the example for others to follow. We show them that it’s okay to just have fun, and treat each other fairly. We endeavor to make “Good Game” a mark of honor, not a punch line.

On verbosity:
You must understand however, that I have a condition known as Louddrunkenassholeitis. This condition has the following symptoms: 1. Inability to control the volume of one’s voice, 2. The notion that everything one says is both relevant and hilarious, 3. Involuntary excretions of bodily fluids, 4. Dickheadedness, 5. Memory loss. You should be more sympathetic to my condition. Thank you.

On attribution:
Just giving credit where credit is due, for example:  I’m one handsome son of a bitch.

The odyssey of the man now known as Rhys has a sad end. He has gone into that long goodnight.
That which was visited upon him in his past service to the country of his birth found no surcease. He has crossed Bifröst and the halls of Valhalla are now livened by his laughter.
He was many things to those who knew him. Soldier. Jester. Scholar. Patriot. Inspiration. Brother. Confidant. Friend. We are all richer for having known him, however briefly. And should the armies of Heaven ever march again, Rhys will be in the vanguard.


God speed, Daniel.